thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
