Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
