seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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