I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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