do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
