U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
