let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
