Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are we still banned from the library?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
