Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
