Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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