ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
