I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
