You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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