My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
