We named our party play list daddy issues
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
