This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
