I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
