You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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