One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
