i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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