It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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