hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
