My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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