The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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