Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
