So drunk its hurt
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
