I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
