I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize