And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Congratulations! We have a period
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