He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize