Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
