3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
