problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
