He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
