Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
