so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize