They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
