somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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