i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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