Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
