I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
