Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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