What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
