There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
