Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
