I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
