Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
