i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's always time for handjobs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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