so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
