Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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