I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize