Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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