Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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