I have demons in me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
