I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
