OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
