he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
