Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
