Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
