i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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