i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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