I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
