cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
