so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
