doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
