she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
