Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
