All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
