Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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