He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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