I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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