his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
