She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
