someone threw a dead crab at me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
