Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
