Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
