so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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