ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize